Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Afflicted with the truth - Will the Church Listen - Will you ?

The below body of writing was sent to me by Martha DeVelbiss. I identify with the writer on a number of points. I must point out that within the vaccine fillers there are human diploid cells . Human Diploid Cells are harvested from aborted fetal tissue. Where are those pro life churches or have they replaced their beliefs with their other God, Medicine? I often shake my head at those churches. My church is indeed included. A few months ago they had a school drive that included free vaccinations. In Oklahoma we have the right to refuse vaccinations in 3 areas, Medical, Religious , or Intellectual. You do not need vaccination to attend school. Waivers vary from state to state. Please read and share if you wish. It was very heart felt. The majority of the damage my daughter suffered was because of the DtaP vaccine. thank you Martha for sharing.

Martha Gabriela DeVelbiss (Please forward this letter to all your love ones and brother & sisters in Christ, elders and pastors of the church. Thanks)

The Lord has afflicted me with a passion to find out the truth about the Vaccines given to children and adults. I say afflicted because my findings were brutal and inhuman. I believe the Lord called me to write about my findings and expose them to the churches of Jesus Christ, so you may know and stand for what the Spirit of God is saying to you. As it is written: Ephissians 5:11 ‘Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them’

In January 4th, 2007 my daughter Kiyomi was diagnosed with Spastic Diplegia (stiffness in the legs) Cerebral Palsy: a type of brain damage that could keep her from walking. Kiyomi was three months old when she received the typical large series of vaccines. Prior to the vaccines, she was a happy baby and would scoot like a little worm and coo a lot. She stopped moving and cooing after the shots were given, I couldn’t understand why she would cry so much, even when I held her. What I did notice was that our little girl was no longer the same. My husband and I made the decision to not continue the vaccines but informed ourselves about vaccines and the adverse reactions that they can cause.

My findings were not pleasant at all, by then it was a little too late for our little girl, she had been affected by them. I can’t even imagine what Kiyomi’s condition would be like today if we had giving her the second set of shots. By the grace of God, we found the truth about the vaccines before her next appointment.

I believe the Lord wants me to share this information to wake up and see the warning signs, look around you churches and see what is happening to our children.

God says in Hosea 4:6 “My people are destroy for lack of knowledge”. Yes I believe our Lord is speaking about lack of knowledge of His word, without it I would have never found hope and salvation. I’m also convinced that He also is talking about the lack of knowledge of the many choices we make in our daily lives, choices in which we lack to inform ourselves, for example the Pharmaceuticals and the way they manufacture vaccines.

Children are being diagnosed with Autism; In January 2004 a figure of 1 in 166 children reported by CDC were diagnosed with Autism. In February 2007 children diagnosed were 1 in 150. Now, is 1 in 110, and 1 in 70 in boys. It is reported that more children will be diagnosed with Autism this year then AIDS, Diabetes & cancer combined. It is the fastest- growing serious developmental disability in the U.S.

Yes, we see and hear that Autism is one of the leading children disorders, not to mention other neurological problems affecting other children like mine.

Is it the famous ‘Swine Flu Epidemic’ we should be worry about or be afraid of?

What exactly is in a vaccine? Look on any food label or any medication you take and the ingredients are right there for you to see. But when you get a vaccine, you don't know exactly what is being put into your body.

Here are some of my findings:

DTP/DTaP (3 in 1 vaccine) and flu or swine flu vaccine given to children or adults contain FORMALDEHYDE or FORMALIN; it is a colorless, toxic, potentially carcinogenic, water-soluble gas, CH2O, having a suffocating odor. "It's used chiefly in aqueous solution, as a disinfectant and preservative, and in the manufacture of explosives, fabrics and plastics." it is used to preserve the virus strain when it goes into your body....

Other "wonderful" ingredients include Ether; a strong detergent that should not be for humans or for drugs, but pharmaceuticals put it in some vaccines including the flu.

Thimerosal by weight, is 50 percent mercury, which has been linked very closely to most learning disabilities, neurological disorders, chronic illnesses, Autism included. Thimerosal serves no purpose other than to prolong the shelf life of a vaccine. By the way, inject this Thimerosal stuff directly into your body with no buffer, and your central nervous system will shut down and you'll probably die. I find it shocking that the FDA and EPA will warn us not to eat fish in mass quantity because it may contain mercury, which poses a health threat, but they have no problem injecting it directly into our bodies. Did you know that mercury never leaves the body? So if you get a flu shot every year or twice as recommended by some sources, you are adding small doses to your body every time you get injected."

Hepatitis B vaccine, flu vaccine and others given to children and adults, contain Aluminum. It is added in vaccines in the form of gels or salts to promote the production of antibodies. It has also been named as the possible cause of seizures, Alzheimer’s, brain damage and dementia.

Ethylene Glycol is commonly found as the primary ingredient of automobile antifreeze and hydraulic brake fluids; it is toxic for human intake.

These are chemicals and heavy metals! If you look up some of these chemicals you will see that they are labeled hazardous and toxic. How in God’s name we can possibly think that these ingredients have NO effect when packaged in a vaccination shot? How can we think that cumulative exposure is not dangerous…especially combined with all the other exposures that occur in daily life?

Before 1980 immunizations given to children two years and under was only 8, but from 1980 to 2001, 22 vaccines were injected into the bloodstream of children not fully developed. Big jump don’t you think? Not just that, but Pharmaceuticals became protected by the Government from any law suits also in the 80’s, and that is why no cases really have been won in court.

Why would God place in my heart to share this awful information, especially to the churches? Is it to create fear in you? Absolutely NOT!

1st Corinthians 3:16 ‘Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?’ By this scripture we know to keep away from bad eating habits and addictions that could defile our temples. I believe not taking these toxin filled vaccines would be pleasing to the Lord and healthier for our bodies too.

God tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 “I know the plans I have for you, they are plans for good and not for disaster (for peace and not evil) to give you a future and a hope”. Churches; our wonderful Father has called us out of a world that offers no peace, that offers no hope but instead offers the opposite. He has planted in us a hope and a mission to accomplish before He brings us home to Him. But how can we accomplish our mission if we are being poisoned? How can our kids accomplish their mission if they are been poisoned and their capacity of walking, talking or thinking is been taken from them by brain disorders?

(Exodus 8:22-24) In the Word we learn of the many plagues the Lord struck Egypt with, but none of those plagues fell on the Children of God. Are we not children of God too, thru the blood of our Lord Jesus Christ? Why are we allowing these plagues bring fear into our lives, to the point that we make the choice to vaccinate our bodies with all these toxins, as if we are lacking faith in the same God that kept plagues from touching the children of Israel. All Israel did was believe in the One and true living God.

1Peter 5:8 tells us to ‘Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith’. I know he is trying really hard to hold us down, to keep us from moving forward, and my hope with this letter is for you to stand and say to him; NO MORE DEVIL!

Ephesians 6:14 ‘Stand therefore, having girded your waist with TRUTH’

My family and I will only use the following as protection: Deuteronomy 7:15 ‘The Lord WILL protect me and my family from all sickness; He will not let us suffer from the terrible diseases of the world.’

Isaiah 54:17, 53:5 ‘No weapon formed against my family and I shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against me in judgment I shall condemn’. ‘By His stripes we are healed’.

Mark 16:18 ‘If we drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt us; I will lay hands on the sick, and they WILL recover.’

By the way, thanks to our walk with Christ, standing in faith and declaring His truth, our daughter Kiyomi is walking more and more each day, and by His stripes she is healed! Nothing is impossible to those who believe!

In this country you are given a choice whether to get vaccinated or not, there is waivers you can sign to refuse them, also in schools you can sign waivers claiming religious beliefs, you just have to get informed..

Brothers and sisters, please pay clear attention to what the Spirit of the Lord tells you regarding this matter. All information and facts given in this letter I copied from books and websites. The truth is available to all of you everywhere; you just need to start searching. As the word says; ‘seek and you will find’.

Another purpose of this letter is that you may share it with your love ones and your fellow believers, including the elders of the church and pastors.

God loves you and cares for you.

Thank you.

Nuemi Largo






Books are hard to find in book stores by you may order them online.


This is Angela again. Here are some links I recommend to people when they ask me questions about vaccines or autism.

From the National Vaccine Information Center . I probably recommend this site above all overs.
"If the State can tag, track down and force citizens
against their will to be injected with biological s
of unknown toxicity today,
there will be no limit on which individual freedoms
the State can take away
in the name of the greater good tomorrow."

— Barbara Loe Fisher, Co-Founder NVIC
The above lady is beyond amazing in my book.
Another favorite of mine Dr. Sherri Tenpenny. She has several books on the validity of vaccines. She also has documentaries. A must see and read.
Her site:

Her book Say NO to Vaccines. http://www.sayingnotovaccines.com/
She is sending this book to "A portion of the proceeds will be set aside to support national autism groups. IMPORTANTLY, the proceeds will also be used to send a book to every one of our 7,382 state legislators". It is a wonderful resource book. Please get it for your family, for your church library, for your doctor. A wonderful present for all.

Dr. Sherri has helped in Athena's recovery. She is on facebook as well on myspace. She has a blog on her main site located above. Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/drtenpenny?ref=ts .

The National Autism Association : How can I NOT recommend this site.

Moms Against Mercury This organization has Methodist connections. The Methodist Church is the only denomination that has taken a formal stance against the use of mercury/thimerosal in medicine.
Here are some studies that they have brought together as a group. And no I have not read them all.

Here is a blog on that formal stance the Methodist Church has taken in the form of a resolution.
What a amazing day that was!
More from the Methodist Church:

With many thanks to Martha! May our churches have more knowledge on this relevant matter.
I will try to answer questions.



Tall wooden rickety ladders


Intense pain

Dwelling between my toes

Thoughts of soothing thick mud

Running through water



Squat and falling into grass

Green clean grass surrounds me like water

Idyllic clouds surface overhead

Mountains, seafaring boats with alligators at bay

Sharp teeth- hard skin

A father’s face to see

Storm covers

Seeking shelter I crawl

Winds whipping trees bending

Snap goes my sanity

Sunday, August 9, 2009

More than My Child's Diagnosis

More than my Child’s Diagnosis

My child has Autism

Sometimes I think Autism has me

Broken dishes

Extra large diapers by the case

3:00 appointments that never seem to end

Marks on my walls-tears in my couch

Autism has left its mark on my house

I sit for a moment in my old comfy chair

Memories stray to thoughts of carefree lives

Seemingly not for me

Glancing out the window

Moving the curtain,

the sun touches my hand

My hand that is full of possibilities

My arms that are full of love

My mind that continually thinks outside of the box

I hear a loud noise from the heart of the house

I am involved in a world that is Unaware

So here I am rising to stand up

Tired but not giving up

Loving and being loved

I am genius personified

As I love with all my heart

I am more than my child’s diagnosis

I am me.

Angela Utley July 2009

Written for my friend Sandy Waters and all mothers with a child that has a diagnosis

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Phrases I hear: Poem I wrote some time ago-Angela Utley

Athena Today Well 2 mths ago

Phrases I Hear

My child is different from the rest

I Look around and remember

Life was so different before the vaccine reaction

She laughed , smiled (sometimes it was gas )

looked into my hazel green eyes

Then the 4 vaccinations shots in one day happened

Lifechanging event

We were at the hospital-

she was being admitted

4 shots- 6 hours

I had never seen my child have a seizure,

gasping for breath and then still -

lifeless all the while with blood in her diaper.

I had never seen my child, my baby fight for her life.

Powerless I could only watch

so many surrounded her

Blood in her diaper

Her intestines had bled

Where did my daughter go?

Where was the healthy child I had that morning?

What would you do?

I prayed as if I had a knife to my throat

but it had been a syringe

I doubt that it would have felt any different

My child was suffering


Its almost four years later now-

She looks perfect to all

Her behavior has changed

she is still my angel

She spins, tiptoe walks,

yells the same word over and over

has sustained odd play

The Other Mothers look- then smile

You know the smile

As I so often do I explain

"She has Autism"

The Other Mothers inhale


"Oh I am so sorry

You Poor thing!

But she doesn't look autistic"

As if this changes everything

Can I shake you?

Can I scream at you?

Can I change your view just a little?

This rightous anger explodes in me

My skin must contain it

Head bent down I whisper,

Thats my child

I lift my head

Quietly I smile-I am told it relaxes people

Holding my breath I exhale out the anger

and then explain the danger

of Vaccine Reaction

and maybe- just maybe

One more child

will have a fighting chance.

Angela 2007

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time there was a desert
Sand buries quickly there
Hot sand
Burning sand
Scratchy sand between toes

Stumbling upon empty bones in a dry well
I rest

My precious child by my side
Air burns our throats
Despair surrounds us
My thoughts are bowed down within
Falling I look upward
My child and I
She is stone silent
Awkward gait
Seizures taking her mind

Breathe once- exhaling

Sudden change envelopes us
She runs without falling
Health returns to those empty bones

No more dry wells
God restoring my child
And my heart

She flies like a eagle
As she speaks words and phrases

My child had autism
But autism never ever had her

Healed and whole
My child never
returns to the desert I call Autism
Valley of Achor no more

Angela Utley

Note:Valley of Achor is know as Valley of Trouble

This poem was written after my daughter was taken off the Autism spectrum. Totally unexpected miracle of God. To him I give abosolute credit and glory . God is faithful to hear us;compassionate to heal us. May the God I hold so dear touch your life.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

So I took this test and you are supposed to get one anwser and of course I got 4. I found it interesting and thought I would pass it on to others. Click the link and scroll down to the sampler.
Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator Sampler
About 10 minutes, free36 pairs of forced-choice questions
The RHETI Sampler is a 36-question, forced-choice questionnaire based on the full, longer
Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator (RHETI). The RHETI Sampler takes about 10 minutes to complete. For your results you will receive a chart with your scores for all nine types, for a full-spectrum profile, as well as short type descriptions. The RHETI Sampler is the first quarter of the full, scientifically validated RHETI.
Type Two The HelperThe caring, interpersonal type. Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.
Type Three
The Achiever The adaptable, success-oriented type. Threes are self-assured, attractive, and charming. Ambitious, competent, and energetic, they can also be status-conscious and highly driven for advancement. They are diplomatic and poised, but can also be overly concerned with their image and what others think of them. They typically have problems with workaholism and competitiveness. At their Best:: self-accepting, authentic, everything they seem to be—role models who inspire others.
Type Four
The IndividualistThe introspective, romantic type. Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.
Type Five
The Investigator The perceptive, cerebral type. Fives are alert, insightful, and curious. They are able to concentrate and focus on developing complex ideas and skills. Independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. They become detached, yet high-strung and intense. They typically have problems with eccentricity, nihilism, and isolation. At their Best: visionary pioneers, often ahead of their time, and able to see the world in an entirely new way.
Well it is what it is. - Angela

Saturday, March 21, 2009

A Season of Silence:Coming Up and Out of Egypt (Autism)

My daughter, Athena had 4 vaccination shots containing 9 vaccines. Now she had a diaper filled with blood. The first set of seizures had begun. I was completely overwhelmed and feared for the life of my 8 month old daughter. Her fever raged like Hurricane Katrina. We were in a situation without hope. It had only been 6 hours. What happened in your life this day in the span of 6 hours?

This verse has been a constant throughout my life.

Hosea 2:15 There I will give her back her vineyards, and will maker her valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

Vaccines have changed the course of my youngest daughter's life and mine. She lived but the prognosis was not good. This is a story of strength and courage in the face of overwhelming odds. My daughter never knew there were odds. My daughter walked on tiptoes instead of water. But if she needed to walk on water- I think she could of run on water.

At eight mths of age having been ill a number of times , I took Athena to get her caught up on her vaccinations. I wanted to keep her safe. Moms keep their children safe right? She had been ill so often. Had I only known. If one just one person would have told me of the danger of vaccine reaction! Again she had a total of 4 shots containing a sum of 9 vaccines. One of the vaccines was the Dtap. The bain of my existence , the Dtap. Within 6 hours not only was my baby girl having a series of seizures but there was blood in her diaper.The crying no screaming never stopped. Her intestines had started to bleed. My daughter was suffering so much. She was admitted to the hospital that night.

I remember the doctors and nurses surrounding her as another set of seizures began . Her body would stiffen and then she would be limp , lifeless.

I had never felt so helpless. I stepped back and the doctors and nurses filled the void. I prayed as if I had a knife to my throat but it was not a knife it was a syringe. Vaccinations had changed my daughter's life forever. She was released from the hospital and the numerous doctors could still not make up their mind as to horrible virus vs horrible vaccine reaction. All I know was my daughter was harmed and she had been fine before the vaccinations.
She stopped looking at me almost immediately. She was always turning the head to avoid eye contact Even in the e.r. one of the doctors commented how she would turn her head away. I thought it was just because he was a stranger in a scary environment . She rarely fussed. How often I heard "she's such a good baby" . She never fussed much after the vaccine reaction. She had lost the ability to tell me when she was in pain, hurting, hungry or if she was even happy. Have you seen a baby without laughter?

And the seizures, how often we were in the hospital numerous times after the reaction for those. They were violent seizures and most often happened at night or at nap time.We went through a long list of doctors and specialists. Cat scans, Mri's, sleep deprived eegs and all before she was two. Athena wasn't progressing ~she was failing to thrive.

At this point I had to prove she was not deaf nor fluid in the ear. I even had the brain stem tested to prove there was not any fluid to cause her to be non responsive. Everyone thought she was deaf. I learned sign language to communicate with her. Athena learned a few words. She still avoided eye contact.

When the speech therapist gently told me

"Have you heard of Autism"

I was taken by surprise. By now she was about 18 mths. She told me it may be difficult for Athena to speak at all. To "not expect much from her". But that speech therapist did make a little progress with her. When she asked Athena to repeat back words , Athena would tap the table with her palm for each syllable spoken. The speech therapist was soo excited when she connected it together.

The doctors I had spoken too had been blunt. That autism was found typically in boys and not in Native Americans. (Yes he said Native Americans-Athena is over 1/2_as if it was not possible for Native Americans to have Autism). I mean who doesn't know autism is found 4 times more in boys than girls? Doctors! Mind you my daughter was crawling circles around this particular doctor for over 5-7 mins without stopping. It was hard for her to walk- she had muscle issues and poor body awareness.

But Then on one visit in a ice blue room with a padded leather chair (it may as well been a padded cell) I heard the words.

Your child has autism

Then he has the nerve to smile as he tells me of all the different therapies. I then began to hear how my child was on the level of a 3 mth old in certain areas 8 mths in others. Even physically just to jump up and down with both feet was somehow out of reach for my child.

So we went to Occupation, Sensory processing integration, Speech, and Physical therapy. We went to the zoo obsessively because she seemed more verbal there-especially with the petting zoo. She would talk to the animals but not me, her mother. I watched my daughter struggle daily in a way I never had to. She learned to sign and then speak with cued speech. But every word was a victory that was hard sought.

She was four before she even helped put her cloths on. When she raised her hands for me to slip on the shirt, I was elated. I usually had to bring up the arms for this action even. I did my own form of ABA therapy as my funds were limited. I made picture cares cards with the name underneath the item. I tried the gf/cf diet when I could afford it. It did help.

I did not do bio med as I could not afford it. At times I had washed cloths in the tub to cut corners so I could afford the food for Athena or that therapeutic tool that just might help. We would go downtown as she had/has a fascination with buildings. Many trips have been made to Mathis brothers:her favorite store.

The National Historic Society has taken a interest in her because she loves design so very much.We may go to the national convention in Nashville next year if we can raise funds. They want to see her again. Have you seen a 5 yr old sit still as they go on and on about various historic sites in disarray? She sat for 2 hours of that enthralled that is until one speaker deviated from the design theme. Then Athena had a hard time sitting still. I am a single mother of a child that struggled.

I was told that she would never talk (not true)

that she would not run without falling, (also not true)

and the worst was not to expect much from Athena ..

How God proves all those well meaning people wrong!

..All the while throughout this entire trial, I prayed, cried and screamed out loud to God for Athena. I had a number of people pray for her, lay hands on her, annoit her head with oil. I believe that was the best therapy for my baby girl. I claimed her healing in Christ-Even when the world thought I was nuts to expect so much. I believed and had faith even though circumstances said otherwise. It was irrational to do so.
6 mths ago at her last evaluation with the developmental Pd Dr. Dell. I heard once again-

"Your child has autism".

Tears still streamed down my face as I stated obvious facts.. She had worked so hard. Perhaps more then you ever will. She was diligent.She can speak now. That she would look at me when I asked her to. I demonstrated. He told me "She is trained". All this I had spoke to Dr. Dell.

However hard she had worked-Her eye contact was abysmal with the Doctor. She could not say how old she was (5 years). She never had been able to do that. Unable to count to ten out loud. This was reality. I asked him so many other solutions: Perhaps it was Pdd-nos, maybe its only that. What if this really is just a severe form of auditory processing disorder? He shakes his head again . He puts the left hand on my shoulder and says once more " Your child has autism". That was August 2008.

Well we say Dr. Dell again last month; February 2009. Athena could say how old she was. Eye contact was wonderful. She could count up to 20. And when he pulled out his book of animals for her to identify she smiled. He pointed to a red parrot and my child said Macaw! And he said "what?". So I said "my child said Macaw" -it was not the most clear. And by the way it was a Macaw. Thank you Tulsa Zoo!

Dr. Dell seemed to lean how smile that day. As he asked her more questions his smile got bigger and bigger. "She seems so different" he stated. Then Dr. Dell was the one asking me the questions of how this happened. All I could tell him that it was God at work in her. That she is a testimony to his saving grace. He seemed to be dwelling in stunned silence. Not only did he take her off the autism spectrum disorder but he put her on the upper regions of normal, well mid to upper regions. God has healed my daughter~he has recovered her from autism.

Our period of silence is over-Praise God! Can I say it again Praise God!~

Now she lifts her hands to God and praises him. When she wakes up and music is on she is praising God. In the car she sings and lifts her hands to God. I have so very much to learn from this precious girl . I am privileged to know the goodness of God. I love the following verses for I feel we have been set free from Egypt- (Holland for those who relate). I could not sleep for 2 days and nights after hearing the news. I called every one I could think of! I even called the CDC. Yes I did. I will expand more later.
Some favorite verses I have drawn strength from:

Hosea 2:15 (NIV)There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Lamentations 3 19-23 v19 I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. 20 I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. 21 Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: 22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

God is faithful to hear us;compassionate enough to heal us.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Walking on Water-Poem

Walking On Water

She arrived in the world early
but on time for me
What a place she has found in life

Today she wears a swimming cap for comfort
it has to be soft pink for my
cinderella princess

My daughter flaps her hands
when the congregation sings
"Too Loud" is said uncomfortably
from her lips a pronouced frown appears
Hands held over the ears ever so tightly
I hold her close
and I kiss the top of her head
and pray for relief

On another day
My daughter spins endlessly
Head tilted up toward the sky
while other children play nearby
She loves the feel of fresh grass
under her feet
or so I believe

Yet another day:My daughter enjoys "solitary" play
while other children play games
My daughter stays silent
while other children spout shakesphere

My daughter walks on tiptoes
instead of water

Is it so difficult to walk on water?
I believe my daughter knows.

My daughter had a vaccine reaction
while the medical establishment

looked away in their "autistic " fashion
How can they be so unaware?

My eyes are set straight ahead
with determination and love
flowing through my veins

My child has been a wonderful teacher
But I want a different classrom
I want her to teach a different way
Anyone else wish for a transfer?

Angela Utley

Somewhere Out There-Poem when I found out what Athena had

Somewhere Out There

In a doctor's office the walls
are a frigid cool ice blue
Blue is relaxing
But the words are not.
Cold is the seat sticking to my legs
It is June and I had other plans than his

My child I have noticed is

"Different" from the rest

There have been vaccine reactions
She had seizures
I can handle that
She had odd behavior
and walked on tiptoes instead of water
Today I hear more of the same drone
I know this child, my child has "issues"
I relax and fall back into this chair

But whoops WHAT- new word.


"Your child has AUTISM"
What - I hear the droning continuing
Decreased body awareness, Poor muscle tone
Sensory Integration Therapy, Speech Therapy,
Occupational Therapy.
Is it me or is the room starting to spin?
So glad I am to have sat down.

Now he is smiling.
Why is he smiling?
He has just told me my daughter is going
to go through years of therapy.
Smiling still he stands
I am told smiling relaxes people
Let me tell you - It did not work
It made it worse.
The pit of my stomach is ever present at this moment.
My right hand squeezing the arm of the chair.
I hear myself asking
"What does this mean?"
"Will she grow out of it?"
"Are you sure?"

A period of silence
He is smiling again
And just between me and you
I bet he is still smiling today
as he tells another parent
"Your child has autism"

Somewhere out there a parent is
in a room with a child
It is a cool frigid ice blue room
It has a chair with arms on it
The right arm is a bit scratched
That parent is about to start a journey
All with a smile.

Angela Utley 2007