Somewhere Out There-Poem when I found out what Athena had

Somewhere Out There


In a doctor's office the walls
are a frigid cool ice blue
Blue is relaxing
But the words are not.
Cold is the seat sticking to my legs
It is June and I had other plans than his


My child I have noticed is

"Different" from the rest


There have been vaccine reactions
She had seizures
I can handle that
She had odd behavior
and walked on tiptoes instead of water
Today I hear more of the same drone
I know this child, my child has "issues"
I relax and fall back into this chair


But whoops WHAT- new word.

AUTISM

"Your child has AUTISM"
What - I hear the droning continuing
Decreased body awareness, Poor muscle tone
Sensory Integration Therapy, Speech Therapy,
Occupational Therapy.
Is it me or is the room starting to spin?
So glad I am to have sat down.

Now he is smiling.
Why is he smiling?
He has just told me my daughter is going
to go through years of therapy.
Smiling still he stands
I am told smiling relaxes people
Let me tell you - It did not work
It made it worse.
The pit of my stomach is ever present at this moment.
My right hand squeezing the arm of the chair.
I hear myself asking
"What does this mean?"
"Will she grow out of it?"
"Are you sure?"

A period of silence
He is smiling again
And just between me and you
I bet he is still smiling today
as he tells another parent
"Your child has autism"

Somewhere out there a parent is
in a room with a child
It is a cool frigid ice blue room
It has a chair with arms on it
The right arm is a bit scratched
That parent is about to start a journey
All with a smile.

Angela Utley 2007