Sleeping beside me, my daughter slumbers
Her toes are pointed like a Balanchine dancer
I watch her breathing going up and down
A yellow patchwork quilt covers her -
Like the still waters of a pond
Approaching this sanctuary a coldness envelopes us
Someone is breathing- my heart pounds,
Cold breath on skin-Someone is beside us
My arm over my child as a shield over my heartbeat
Autism roars its voice
A stone has been thrown
Ripples disturb this peaceful pond,
this peaceful moment between Mother and Child
She violently jolts spine straight,
awakening screams pierce the air
Every muscle is taut with pain
Autism is breathing beside us
She clings to me- nails deep into my skin
Her ankles are hurting-
All she can say is Bugs bugs!
I massage her calfs where the muscle cramps are
It is 3 in the morning
Afraid to sleep she plays
Cinderella Twist in Time for the third time
She plays in the loose change
I want real change
She piles the loose coins on the floor puzzle
Then walking barefoot on tippy toes
Change spills like a waterfall everywhere
There will be other nights
But tonight we walk on tiptoes
Angela rewritten May 2008
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