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Showing posts with label vaccinations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vaccinations. Show all posts

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Phrases I hear: Poem I wrote some time ago-Angela Utley

Athena Today Well 2 mths ago





Phrases I Hear

My child is different from the rest

I Look around and remember

Life was so different before the vaccine reaction

She laughed , smiled (sometimes it was gas )

looked into my hazel green eyes

Then the 4 vaccinations shots in one day happened

Lifechanging event

We were at the hospital-

she was being admitted





4 shots- 6 hours




I had never seen my child have a seizure,

gasping for breath and then still -

lifeless all the while with blood in her diaper.

I had never seen my child, my baby fight for her life.

Powerless I could only watch

so many surrounded her

Blood in her diaper

Her intestines had bled



Where did my daughter go?

Where was the healthy child I had that morning?

What would you do?

I prayed as if I had a knife to my throat

but it had been a syringe

I doubt that it would have felt any different


My child was suffering





Time




Its almost four years later now-

She looks perfect to all

Her behavior has changed

she is still my angel

She spins, tiptoe walks,

yells the same word over and over

has sustained odd play



The Other Mothers look- then smile

You know the smile

As I so often do I explain




"She has Autism"


The Other Mothers inhale

Responding



"Oh I am so sorry

You Poor thing!

But she doesn't look autistic"






As if this changes everything

Can I shake you?

Can I scream at you?

Can I change your view just a little?

This rightous anger explodes in me

My skin must contain it





Head bent down I whisper,

Thats my child
MY CHILD
MY CHILD




I lift my head

Quietly I smile-I am told it relaxes people

Holding my breath I exhale out the anger

and then explain the danger

of Vaccine Reaction

and maybe- just maybe

One more child

will have a fighting chance.




Angela 2007




Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Sleeping beside me-A poem written on a sleepless Autism night-Do you relate at all?

Sleeping beside me


Sleeping beside me, my daughter slumbers
Her toes are pointed like a Balanchine dancer
I watch her breathing going up and down
A yellow patchwork quilt covers her -
Like the still waters of a pond

Approaching this sanctuary a coldness envelopes us
Someone is breathing- my heart pounds,
Cold breath on skin-Someone is beside us
My arm over my child as a shield over my heartbeat

Autism roars its voice

A stone has been thrown
Ripples disturb this peaceful pond,
this peaceful moment between Mother and Child
She violently jolts spine straight,
awakening screams pierce the air
Every muscle is taut with pain

Autism is breathing beside us

She clings to me- nails deep into my skin
Her ankles are hurting-
All she can say is Bugs bugs!
I massage her calfs where the muscle cramps are

It is 3 in the morning
Afraid to sleep she plays
Cinderella Twist in Time for the third time
She plays in the loose change
I want real change
She piles the loose coins on the floor puzzle
Then walking barefoot on tippy toes
Change spills like a waterfall everywhere
There will be other nights

But tonight we walk on tiptoes

Angela rewritten May 2008

A few links that have been requested -