Phrases I hear: Poem I wrote some time ago-Angela Utley

Athena Today Well 2 mths ago

Phrases I Hear

My child is different from the rest

I Look around and remember

Life was so different before the vaccine reaction

She laughed , smiled (sometimes it was gas )

looked into my hazel green eyes

Then the 4 vaccinations shots in one day happened

Lifechanging event

We were at the hospital-

she was being admitted





4 shots- 6 hours




I had never seen my child have a seizure,

gasping for breath and then still -

lifeless all the while with blood in her diaper.

I had never seen my child, my baby fight for her life.

Powerless I could only watch

so many surrounded her

Blood in her diaper

Her intestines had bled



Where did my daughter go?

Where was the healthy child I had that morning?

What would you do?

I prayed as if I had a knife to my throat

but it had been a syringe

I doubt that it would have felt any different


My child was suffering





Time

Its almost four years later now-

She looks perfect to all

Her behavior has changed

she is still my angel

She spins, tiptoe walks,

yells the same word over and over

has sustained odd play



The Other Mothers look- then smile

You know the smile

As I so often do I explain




"She has Autism"


The Other Mothers inhale

Responding



"Oh I am so sorry

You Poor thing!

But she doesn't look autistic"






As if this changes everything

Can I shake you?

Can I scream at you?

Can I change your view just a little?

This rightous anger explodes in me

My skin must contain it





Head bent down I whisper,

Thats my child
MY CHILD
MY CHILD



I lift my head

Quietly I smile-I am told it relaxes people

Holding my breath I exhale out the anger

and then explain the danger

of Vaccine Reaction

and maybe- just maybe

One more child

will have a fighting chance.




Angela 2007